Still I

Yay I finally got to be of service today you wouldn’t believe all the bullshit I went through just to get to be of service to others in need it’s crazy when the need is so great and so visible all the things that would try to keep me from being of service so silly really but today I got to put my hands on work real actual physical labor assisting others who were doing way more physical labor than me I will be honest thank goodness they knew what they were doing because I was out of my element still I shine I don’t say that you know like some egoic trip I say that like good girl good job good works you go Nikki I’m going very far out of my comfort zone which I tend to do I still have no idea why I’m here but I feel like I’m supposed to be like there is something waiting for me something bigger than the lottery even the part of me hopes it’s not just my heart bursting in to again and another Part Of me hopes it is still I don’t know why I’m here what drew me here so hardcore me being me of course I’m hoping it’s my blue boy I’m hoping that he’s feeling the same way and I’m hoping by this evening we meet all nasty with contaminated debris what better way to meet him and me I feel I’m doing well but still I….